Middle-aged Mommying: #5 Short-term memory loss - the struggle is real

Middle-aged Mommying: #5 Short-term memory loss - the struggle is real: My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings      Ever forget that you ...

#5 Short-term memory loss - the struggle is real

My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings
   

 Ever forget that you ordered something on Amazon? Pretty much every time! The doorbell will ring and I'll see that it is the delivery man and think he must have the wrong address.
     They say that you lose brain cells for every child you have. Mine must have gaping holes in it in the short-term memory department.
     When my oldest daughter still lived at home we enjoyed watching certain TV shows together. It became a running joke that I would not remember what had happened the week before - this was problematic if the story line continued. Her recall was perfect. I'm interested to see if it still is in 20 years!
From walking into rooms and forgetting why, to climbing the stairs only to forget what I climbed them for - it's kind of sad.
But I have a theory.
I am convinced that the human mind was only designed to remember so much. Think about life before electricity. The only things you had to remember were:
* to milk the cow (if you had one) and she bellowed at you if you forgot.
*Monday was laundry day
*Feed everyone (refer to the cow one about bellowing)
*Sunday was church
*In the winter kids had school -maybe
*The occasional potluck church activity
I could do that.
Fast forward to today. There are eight people in my family. When they were all at home they all expected me to know the ins and outs of their calendars and remind them of their activities (oh and all the things they did not like to eat that particular month).
Piano lessons, dance classes, baseball games, gymnastics, swim lessons, homework, car pool (a particular pain), church youth activities and on and on.
Some might say it was my fault that I had my kids in so many activities - but that misses my point. My brain was not programmed to remember that much stuff!!!!
It brings to mind the image of a mother trying to pick up at night without the use of a basket - her arms are full and things keep falling out as she bends to pick up another toy. That was my brain.
As my birdlings have left the nest I am much more on top of things but my reputation as a forgetter is burned into my children's brains. They're a tough crowd.
The only one who is more gracious about it is my oldest - who has four kids of his own now. Hmm, I wonder if that's why? Lol.

#4 Letting grown kids fly

My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings

     My 24 year old, single daughter just took a business trip to a large city. She discovered that a popular musical that she has never seen was playing in that city for a fraction of what it would cost in her hometown. Great! Then she announced that she was going alone, at night, in a strange city. Not great!
     Let me give you some background. When I was thirteen (and I looked about ten) a man followed me home from school, twice. The second time, he accosted me, got all up in my grill and through gritted teeth said he was going to murder me. I will never forget his face or what he was wearing.
The police were called, descriptions were given and I had a police escort for the next two weeks. They never found him. The whole experience scarred me.
     I refused to let it stop me living my life - I went to college, I lived abroad twice, alone, as a young adult, and traveled abroad, BUT it did make me hyper-sensitive to my own safety and wherever possible I never went out alone at night.
     So when my daughter informed me of her plans, I was seized with a panic that sprang from my own past experience. But she is 24. I could not forbid her to go. I could not even suggest that she not go. I will not let my fears infect my kids and besides she's an adult. So I faked it. I pretended to be excited for her when all the while that voice in my head was screaming that it was dangerous.
     I am a religious person and as I was pretending not to worry (by the way she did not buy my act but she appreciated the effort!) I was praying my little heart out for the Lord to protect my girl. He came through for me in a big way! As she left the theater to catch the train, two middle-aged women were waiting with her; when she got to the station by her hotel a policeman was hanging out at the station and could see her as she walked back to her hotel.
     Now, I could have blown this whole thing. I could have criticized her decision and undermined her new-found independence as a college graduate, already living away from home, who had just landed a great new job that lets her travel to conferences. That would have damaged our relationship.
     Instead, I reined in my terror, prayed like her life depended on it, and let her fly.

Romans 1:9 'without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers;'

#3 Insomnia

    My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings   

I used to sleep like the proverbial baby. As a teenager there was a car accident right outside my bedroom window involving the police and an ambulance. I knew nothing about it until the next morning. Massive storms could not rip me from my slumber.
     Then I had children.
     Broken nights come with the territory. I accepted that when I signed up to be a parent. I embraced the sacrifice.
     Then my kids grew up. Great! I looked forward to returning to the deep sleeps of my youth. WRONG!
No one told me that once your kids are old enough to sleep through the night your own body stabs you in the back. It's called insomnia.
     In the past, as I watched ads about sleeping aids, I used to wonder why the actors were all middle-aged. Now I know. Boy, do I know!
     Generally, I don't have trouble falling asleep - staying asleep is the problem. On nights when it is really bad and I have tried to fall back to sleep for over an hour, I just wave a white flag and get up and read or write. But the specter that I am going to have a crummy day because of severe fatigue, hovers over me. Like a dementor.
     I've talked to my doctor about it. He just nods and says it's my age. Does that mean I will grow out of it? I hope so!
     When my oldest child was a teenager he had a midnight curfew. I stayed up until he returned home to chat about his evening. That's what good parents do, right? I confess that I was guilty of judging other - older parents - for not staying up. Now my youngest children are teenagers who drive and I have repented. Their curfew is 11:30 pm and I struggle to stay up! Plus, I'm worried that insomnia is going to attack, and between the late night and the insomnia I'm going to crash and burn the next day.
     So here is your warning. Middle-age can ruin your sleep. And so can teenagers.

Genesis 31:40
'...and my sleep departed from mine eyes.'

#2 Driving

     My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings

     Why does driving bring out the worst in the human race?
     When my oldest daughter was learning to drive she was reluctant. Not comfortable with the whole process, we had to drag her out to practice. One day, we were at a busy two-way stop at rush hour.
     Opposite us was a middle-aged man. We had arrived first, so it was our prerogative to go first when the road cleared. But it was rush-hour. My cautious, reluctant driver waited and waited for a safe opening. This was not good enough for the man opposite us who started to wave his arms in anger that she was not turning. His mouth was going so I can only imagine he was berating her. She was 15 but she looked 13. It was obvious she was a learner.
     As he continued to demonstrate his frustration with her, she panicked under pressure and pulled out - right into the path of a mini-van. The wide-eyed, opened mouth shock of the woman driver is forever etched in my memory. How we missed her, I do not know.
     Needless to say, our already nervous learner lost all desire to keep trying. Thanks guy!
     Fast-forward to today. My son arrived home and asked if he had right of way driving on a road, or someone pulling out of their driveway. I assured him that he had right of way and he proceeded to tell me of a car that had pulled out from their driveway, without checking, right in front of him. He honked as they did not stop and were about to hit him. It was a mother and her student driver as it happened.
    They followed my son and pulled up to him and then the mom honked the horn at my son while yelling something! She taught her daughter something today, but it had nothing to do with driving. She taught her that it's ok to chase down a teenager ( who had right of way ) and berate him. Nice. Classy.
     It's hard enough to let your teens loose on the roads anyway. Teaching my kids to drive has been one of the scariest things I have had to do as a parent. When my oldest was a new driver I nearly had a panic attack every time he left the house. I finally had to give my worry over to the Lord and ask Him to protect my son.
     Last year, I had met my daughter to worship at one of my religion's most sacred buildings, a temple. She was new to this practice and it had filled me with joy to do this with her. We parted and I was on cloud nine. As I approached a road near my neighborhood I had to turn left. It was the beginning of rush hour and I had to wait a long time. I decided to be nice and let the car waiting to turn onto the road I was on, go. It did not move, so I pulled forward to make my left turn. As I made the turn I saw the man yelling at me and throwing his arms around ( seems to be an epidemic where I live!). It appears that he thought I should have let him go - though it was my right of way and I had given him an opportunity which he had missed. I was disappointed to see that it was a man who was a leader in my church. He successfully burst my bubble of happiness and the aura of peace I had achieved with my daughter that afternoon.
     Now I am not perfect. I get annoyed with other drivers but I refrain from being rude. What does it achieve? Come on people - we can do better at this! Treat others the way you would like to be treated - even when driving!

John 13:34
 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

#1 Eat the donut!

My only qualification is that I have raised six children who have turned out to be pretty decent human beings

     I see you, twenty-something mom. Your hand is hovering over the donut. Eat it! Take it from me, your metabolism is never going to be this good again. Don’t deny yourself while at your peak – there will be plenty of time to deny yourself of all junk food in the future. Eat the donut and savor every bite. Eat it for me. I remember those days with fondness.

     Around age forty-five, a ‘metabolistic’ switch flips inside you and the same food you eat everyday suddenly starts to make you put on weight! You are not eating more – your body has just betrayed you! Now, to stay at your preferred weight, you have to eat less and less and less. It stinks!

     This makes me sound like a foodie. I’m not. Long ago my husband and I realized that we were ‘eat-to-live’ type people rather than ‘live-to-eat’ types. (If there was a pill that tasted decent and satisfied you nutritionally and emotionally, we would be on board.) But I just hate feeling hungry. Hate it! I have managed to revamp my diet to reduce my calorie intake in a way that I don’t suffer from hunger but it is certainly not the way I used to eat.

     I have long contemplated at what age I can allow myself to go back to eating what I want. Not over-eating, just eating, without always worrying about the scales. Some years ago, I thought 55 sounded good. But I will reach that this year and I am not quite ready to give up caring – you can call it vanity – I’ll call it a healthy pride in my appearance, or to give up my wardrobe that I am very fond of. I like shopping for clothes just like most women, but to outgrow all my clothes at once would be a blow.

     So my new goalpost is age 60. Then I will eat what I want when I am hungry. But for now, I will watch what I eat, exercise regularly and dream of donuts. Eat it girl!

Psalm 78: 25

'Man did eat angels food:he sent them meat to the full'